dealing with my eating disorder and maybe helping others do the same. share with me (skinnygirltumblr at gmail.com)
I’ve never really been “healthy”. The only times I’ve ever eaten healthy are when I’m overweight. When I’m at a weight that I’m happy with, or if I think I look okay, I basically eat shit. Always with the defense of “I don’t eat THAT bad”. But I do. I eat whatever I want basically. Only passing up deliciousness when I am unable to eat any more. Which is rare because I’m a bottomless pit. Anyway - I’m still not eating all that great. As you can tell by the French toast I had for breakfast. I hate my body. I really do. I am personally disgusted with it. The thought of myself in a bikini makes me nauseated. So I decided I have to exercise. I really just want to look good in my own clothes. I want to unpack the 105 lbs box that I have in the back of my mother’s garage and put on my version of skinny jeans (note: not the hipster version). I want to wear my strapless summer dresses and my teensy cut-off shorts and show off my bomb ass tan. I want to live in nothing but a bikini and a sarong this summer and frolic around freely without worry of my thighs jiggling incorrectly. I want the body I had when I was 19. Only without putting hundreds of dollars worth of drugs up my nose. So currently, I’m walking down a mountain. A mountain that I shouldn’t have so much trouble walking up, but I do. I still push myself though - I jogged through the shady parts and felt my lungs burning thin. So I stopped. I forgot my inhaler today and that sucks. But I’m pushing myself more than yesterday. And each day I hope to continue with that. A thin blonde just jogged past me with a hot guy and a dog. Okay. Motivation just got raised. Time to jog.
so not fair…
this is so not fair… i finally met a guy who is really, just… awesome. funny, smart, likes to read, and i felt really comfortable with him. so comfortable i could eat french friends in front of him. and he liked me, too.
why the fuck does he live so far away?
A story to save us from all the stories of our past. - Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk (via omfgitstabitha)
… I use to be so skinny.
why did i have to get down to a size 4 (US) to feel comfortable owning a pair of shorts? why do i still feel chubby when i wear them? i am 5 feet 7 inches, 128 pounds. i know iam not fat. so why do i feel like i am?
Every once in a while…
… I look in the mirror before I go out the door, and I tell myself that one day, someone is going to look at me and say “Wow, fucking adorable.” And they will fall deeply and truly in love. And instead of being angry and demanding to know where they had been all this time, all those lonely days and wasted nights, I will lean back and sigh with a smile “Ah,… so there you are.”