diaries of a skinny girl

Fitness.

6od:

I’ve never really been “healthy”. The only times I’ve ever eaten healthy are when I’m overweight. When I’m at a weight that I’m happy with, or if I think I look okay, I basically eat shit. Always with the defense of “I don’t eat THAT bad”. But I do. I eat whatever I want basically. Only passing up deliciousness when I am unable to eat any more. Which is rare because I’m a bottomless pit. Anyway - I’m still not eating all that great. As you can tell by the French toast I had for breakfast. I hate my body. I really do. I am personally disgusted with it. The thought of myself in a bikini makes me nauseated. So I decided I have to exercise. I really just want to look good in my own clothes. I want to unpack the 105 lbs box that I have in the back of my mother’s garage and put on my version of skinny jeans (note: not the hipster version). I want to wear my strapless summer dresses and my teensy cut-off shorts and show off my bomb ass tan. I want to live in nothing but a bikini and a sarong this summer and frolic around freely without worry of my thighs jiggling incorrectly. I want the body I had when I was 19. Only without putting hundreds of dollars worth of drugs up my nose. So currently, I’m walking down a mountain. A mountain that I shouldn’t have so much trouble walking up, but I do. I still push myself though - I jogged through the shady parts and felt my lungs burning thin. So I stopped. I forgot my inhaler today and that sucks. But I’m pushing myself more than yesterday. And each day I hope to continue with that. A thin blonde just jogged past me with a hot guy and a dog. Okay. Motivation just got raised. Time to jog.